My cat gives me a boner
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
