Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
