the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
