So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
