so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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