i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
