Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
