oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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