Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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