I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sarcasm needs its own font
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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