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shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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