i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
