WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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