3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
