do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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