I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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