I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
