So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
