wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
