to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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