walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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