I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
