hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
