You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
