I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
