So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
