I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize