I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
