he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize