if you like me you must not know who I am
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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