you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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