Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
