I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
