Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
