OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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