just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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