i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Every concussion has its silver lining
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
