i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
