i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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