dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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