Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
