I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
