but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
