I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
