i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
