Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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