I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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