matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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