conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
