I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
