I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
