I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
