no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I could fuck to npr.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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