i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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