Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
