Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
