I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
