we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
