I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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