I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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