What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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