If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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