mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
