my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
