Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
