That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
