He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
