Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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