he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
