proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
