chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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