i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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