When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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