i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
