if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
